Listening - How Important is It?

The Art and Science of Listening

By

Dr. David J. Koehn

In my clinical practice, communication comes up as a stumbling block in couples therapy as well as individual therapy.  A great resource that I leverage to help patient’s improve their communication effectiveness is McKay’s Messages 4^th edition.  A major component of communication effectiveness involves listening.  Taken from a series of sources from the internet, here is a treatise on listening.  Listening is the ability to accurately receive and interpret messages in the communication process.  Listening is key to all effective communication. Without the ability to listen effectively, messages are easily misunderstood. As a result, communication breaks down and the sender of the message can easily become frustrated or irritated.

If there is one communication skill you should aim to master, then listening is it.  Listening is so important that many top employers provide listening skills training for their employees. This is not surprising when you consider that good listening skills can lead to better customer satisfaction, greater productivity with fewer mistakes, and increased sharing of information that in turn can lead to more creative and innovative work.

Good listening skills also have benefits in our personal lives, including:

• A greater number of friends and social networks, improved self-esteem and confidence, higher grades at school and in academic work, and even better health and general well-being.
• Studies have shown that, whereas speaking raises blood pressure, attentive listening can bring it down.

Listening is not the same as Hearing.  Hearing refers to the sounds that enter your ears. It is a physical process that, provided you do not have any hearing problems, happens automatically.  Listening, however, requires more than that: it requires focus and concentrated effort, both mental and sometimes physical as well.  Listening means paying attention not only to the story, but how it is told, the use of language and voice, and how the other person uses his or her body. In other words, it means being aware of both verbal and non-verbal messages. Your ability to listen effectively depends on the degree to which you perceive and understand these messages.

Listening is not a passive process. In fact, the listener can, and should, be at least as engaged in the process as the speaker. The phrase ‘active listening’ is used to describe this process of being fully involved.  We spend a lot of time listening.  Adults spend an average of 70% of their time engaged in some sort of communication. Of this, research shows that an average of 45% is spent listening compared to 30% speaking, 16% reading and 9% writing. (Adler, R. et al. 2001). That is, by any standards, a lot of time listening. It is worthwhile, therefore, taking a bit of extra time to ensure that you listen effectively.

The purpose of listening.  There is no doubt that effective listening is an extremely important life skill. Why is listening so important? Listening serves a number of possible purposes, and the purpose of listening will depend on the situation and the nature of the communication.

• To specifically focus on the messages being communicated, avoiding distractions and preconceptions.
• To gain a full and accurate understanding into the speakers point of view and ideas.
• To critically assess what is being said.
• To observe the non-verbal signals accompanying what is being said to enhance understanding.
• To show interest, concern and concentration.
• To encourage the speaker to communicate fully, openly and honestly.
• To develop a selflessness approach, putting the speaker first.
• To arrive at a shared and agreed understanding and acceptance of both sides views.

Often our main concern while listening is to formulate ways to respond. This is not a function of listening. We should try to focus fully on what is being said and how it's being said in order to more fully understand the speaker.  Effective listening requires

Barriers to Effective Listening.  To improve the process of effective listening, it can be helpful to turn the problem on its head and look at barriers to effective listening, or ineffective listening.  For example, one common problem is that instead of listening closely to what someone is saying, we often get distracted after a sentence or two and instead start to think about what we are going to say in reply or think about unrelated things. This means that we do not fully listen to the rest of the speaker’s message.

This problem is attributed, in part, to the difference between average speech rate and average processing rate. Average speech rates are between 125 and 175 words a minute whereas we can process on average between 400 and 800 words a minute. It is a common habit for the listener to use the spare time while listening to daydream or think about other things, rather than focusing on what the speaker is saying.

Of course the clarity of what the speaker is saying can also affect how well we listen. Generally we find it easier to focus if the speaker is fluent in their speech, has a familiar accent, and speaks at an appropriate loudness for the situation. It is more difficult, for example, to focus on somebody who is speaking very fast and very quietly, especially if they are conveying complex information.  We may also get distracted by the speaker’s personal appearance or by what someone else is saying, which sounds more interesting.  These issues not only affect you, but you are likely to show your lack of attention in your body language.

Generally, we find it much harder to control our body language, and you are likely to show your distraction and/or lack of interest by lack of eye contact, or posture. The speaker will detect the problem, and probably stop talking at best. At worse, they may be very offended or upset.

Active Listening

Active listening is a skill that can be acquired and developed with practice. However, active listening can be difficult to master and will, therefore, take time and patience to develop.  'Active listening' means, as its name suggests, actively listening. That is fully concentrating on what is being said rather than just passively ‘hearing’ the message of the speaker.  Active listening involves listening with all senses.  As well as giving full attention to the speaker, it is important that the ‘active listener’ is also ‘seen’ to be listening - otherwise the speaker may conclude that what they are talking about is uninteresting to the listener.

Interest can be conveyed to the speaker by using both verbal and non-verbal messages such as maintaining eye contact, nodding your head and smiling, agreeing by saying ‘Yes’ or simply ‘Mmm hmm’ to encourage them to continue.  By providing this 'feedback' the person speaking will usually feel more at ease and therefore communicate more easily, openly and honestly.

Listening is the most fundamental component of interpersonal communication skills.  Listening is not something that just happens (that is hearing), listening is an active process in which a conscious decision is made to listen to and understand the messages of the speaker.  Listeners should remain neutral and non-judgmental, this means trying not to take sides or form opinions, especially early in the conversation.  Active listening is also about patience - pauses and short periods of silence should be accepted.  Listeners should not be tempted to jump in with questions or comments every time there are a few seconds of silence. Active listening involves giving the other person time to explore their thoughts and feelings, they should, therefore, be given adequate time for that.

Active listening not only means focusing fully on the speaker but also actively showing verbal and non-verbal signs of listening.  Generally speakers want listeners to demonstrate ‘active listening’ by responding appropriately to what they are saying.

Non-Verbal Signs of Attentive or Active Listening.  This is a generic list of non-verbal signs of listening, in other words people who are listening are more likely to display at least some of these signs.  However these signs may not be appropriate in all situations and across all cultures.

• Smile.  Small smiles can be used to show that the listener is paying attention to what is being said or as a way of agreeing or being happy about the messages being received.  Combined with nods of the head, smiles can be powerful in affirming that messages are being listened to and understood.
• Eye Contact.  It is normal and usually encouraging for the listener to look at the speaker. Eye contact can however be intimidating, especially for more shy speakers – gauge how much eye contact is appropriate for any given situation.  Combine eye contact with smiles and other non-verbal messages to encourage the speaker.
• Posture.  Posture can tell a lot about the sender and receiver in interpersonal interactions.  The attentive listener tends to lean slightly forward or sideways whilst sitting.  Other signs of active listening may include a slight slant of the head or resting the head on one hand.
• Mirroring.  Automatic reflection/mirroring of any facial expressions used by the speaker can be a sign of attentive listening.  These reflective expressions can help to show sympathy and empathy in more emotional situations.  Attempting to consciously mimic facial expressions (i.e. not automatic reflection of expressions) can be a sign of inattention. 
• Distraction.  The active listener will not be distracted and therefore will refrain from fidgeting, looking at a clock or watch, doodling, playing with their hair or picking their fingernails.

Verbal signs of active listening include:

• Positive Reinforcement.  Although a strong signal of attentiveness, caution should be used when using positive verbal reinforcement.  Although some positive words of encouragement may be beneficial to the speaker the listener should use them sparingly so as not to distract from what is being said or place unnecessary emphasis on parts of the message.  Casual and frequent use of words and phrases, such as: ‘very good’, ‘yes’ or ‘indeed’ can become irritating to the speaker.   It is usually better to elaborate and explain why you are agreeing with a certain point.
• Remembering.  The human mind is notoriously bad at remembering details, especially for any length of time.   However, remembering a few key points, or even the name of the speaker, can help to reinforce that the messages sent have been received and understood – i.e. listening has been successful.  Remembering details, ideas and concepts from previous conversations proves that attention was kept and is likely to encourage the speaker to continue.  During longer exchanges it may be appropriate to make very brief notes to act as a memory jog when questioning or clarifying later.
• Questioning. The listener can demonstrate that they have been paying attention by asking relevant questions and/or making statements that build or help to clarify what the speaker has said.  By asking relevant questions the listener also helps to reinforce that they have an interest in what the speaker has been saying.
• Reflection. Reflecting is closely repeating or paraphrasing what the speaker has said in order to show comprehension.  Reflection is a powerful skill that can reinforce the message of the speaker and demonstrate understanding.
• Clarification.  Clarifying involves asking questions of the speaker to ensure that the correct message has been received.  Clarification usually involves the use of open questions which enables the speaker to expand on certain points as necessary.
• Summarization.  Repeating a summary of what has been said back to the speaker is a technique used by the listener to repeat what has been said in their own words. Summarizing involves taking the main points of the received message and reiterating them in a logical and clear way, giving the speaker chance to correct if necessary.

The two main types of general listening - the foundations of all listening sub-types are: Discriminative Listening and Comprehensive Listening

Discriminative listening is first developed at a very early age – perhaps even before birth, in the womb.  This is the most basic form of listening and does not involve the understanding of the meaning of words or phrases but merely the different sounds that are produced.  In early childhood, for example, a distinction is made between the sounds of the voices of the parents – the voice of the father sounds different to that of the mother.

Discriminative listening develops through childhood and into adulthood.  As we grow older and develop and gain more life experience, our ability to distinguish between different sounds is improved. Not only can we recognize different voices, but we also develop the ability to recognize subtle differences in the way that sounds are made – this is fundamental to ultimately understanding what these sounds mean.  Differences include many subtleties, recognizing foreign languages, distinguishing between regional accents and clues to the emotions and feelings of the speaker.

Being able to distinguish the subtleties of sound made by somebody who is happy or sad, angry or stressed, for example, ultimately adds value to what is actually being said and, of course, does aid comprehension.  When discriminative listening skills are combined with visual stimuli, the resulting ability to ‘listen’ to body-language enables us to begin to understand the speaker more fully – for example recognizing somebody is sad despite what they are saying or how they are saying it.

Comprehensive listening involves understanding the message or messages that are being communicated.  Like discriminative listening, comprehensive listening is fundamental to all listening sub-types. In order to be able use comprehensive listening and therefore gain understanding the listener first needs appropriate vocabulary and language skills. Using overly complicated language or technical jargon, therefore, can be a barrier to comprehensive listening.  Comprehensive listening is further complicated by the fact that two different people listening to the same thing may understand the message in two different ways.  This problem can be multiplied in a group setting, like a classroom or business meeting where numerous different meanings can be derived from what has been said.

Comprehensive listening is complimented by sub-messages from non-verbal communication, such as the tone of voice, gestures and other body language.  These non-verbal signals can greatly aid communication and comprehension but can also confuse and potentially lead to misunderstanding. In many listening situations it is vital to seek clarification and use skills such as reflection aid comprehension.

Discriminative and comprehensive listening are prerequisites for specific listening types.  Listening types can be defined by the goal of the listening.  The three main types of listening most common in interpersonal communication are: Informational Listening (Listening to Learn); Critical Listening (listening to evaluate and analyze); Therapeutic or Empathetic Listening (listening to understand feeling and emotion).  In reality you may have more than one goal for listening at any given time – for example, you may be listening to learn whilst also attempting to be empathetic.

Informational Listening.  Whenever you listen to learn something, you are engaged in informational listening.  This is true in many day-to-day situations, in education and at work, when you listen to the news, watch a documentary, when a friend tells you a recipe or when you are talked-through a technical problem with a computer – there are many other examples of informational listening too.

Although all types of listening are ‘active’ – they require concentration and a conscious effort to understand. Informational listening is less active than many of the other types of listening.  When we’re listening to learn or be instructed we are taking in new information and facts, we are not criticizing or analyzing.  Informational listening, especially in formal settings like in work meetings or while in education, is often accompanied by note taking – a way of recording key information so that it can be reviewed later.

Critical Listening.  We can be said to be engaged in critical listening when the goal is to evaluate or scrutinize what is being said. Critical listening is a much more active behavior than informational listening and usually involves some sort of problem solving or decision making.  Critical listening is akin to critical reading; both involve analysis of the information being received and alignment with what we already know or believe.  Whereas informational listening may be mostly concerned with receiving facts and/or new information - critical listening is about analyzing opinion and making a judgement.

When the word ‘critical’ is used to describe listening, reading or thinking it does not necessarily mean that you are claiming that the information you are listening to is somehow faulty or flawed.   Rather, critical listening means engaging in what you are listening to by asking yourself questions such as, ‘what is the speaker trying to say?’ or ‘what is the main argument being presented?’, ‘how does what I’m hearing differ from my beliefs, knowledge or opinion?’.  Critical listening is, therefore, fundamental to true learning. Many day-to-day decisions that we make are based on some form of ‘critical’ analysis, whether it be critical listening, reading or thought.  Our opinions, values and beliefs are based on our ability to process information and formulate our own feelings about the world around us as well as weigh up the pros and cons to make an informed decision.  It is often important, when listening critically, to have an open-mind and not be biased by stereotypes or preconceived ideas.  By doing this you will become a better listener and broaden your knowledge and perception of other people and your relationships.

Therapeutic or Empathic Listening.  Empathic listening involves attempting to understand the feelings and emotions of the speaker – to put yourself into the speaker’s shoes and share their thoughts.  Empathy is a way of deeply connecting with another person and therapeutic or empathic listening can be particularly challenging.  Empathy is not the same as sympathy, it involves more than being compassionate or feeling sorry for somebody else – it involves a deeper connection – a realization and understanding of another person’s point of view. 

Counsellors, therapists and some other professionals use therapeutic or empathic listening to understand and ultimately help their clients.  This type of listening does not involve making judgements or offering advice but gently encouraging the speaker to explain and elaborate on their feelings and emotions.  Skills such as clarification and reflection are often used to help avoid misunderstandings.

We are all capable of empathic listening and may practice it with friends, family and colleagues.  Showing empathy is a desirable trait in many interpersonal relationships – you may well feel more comfortable talking about your own feelings and emotions with a particular person.  They are likely to be better at listening empathetically to you than others, this is often based on similar perspectives, experiences, beliefs and values – a good friend, your spouse, a parent or sibling for example.

Other Listening Types.  Although usually less important or useful in interpersonal relationships there are other types of listening, these include:

• Appreciative Listening.  Appreciative listening is listening for enjoyment.  A good example is listening to music, especially as a way to relax.
• Rapport Listening.  When trying to build rapport with others we can engage in a type of listening that encourages the other person to trust and like us. A salesman, for example, may make an effort to listen carefully to what you are saying as a way to promote trust and potentially make a sale.  This type of listening is common in situations of negotiation.
• Selective Listening.  This is a more negative type of listening, it implies that the listener is somehow biased to what they are hearing.  Bias can be based on preconceived ideas or emotionally difficult communications.  Selective listening is a sign of failing communication – you cannot hope to understand if you have filtered out some of the message and may reinforce or strengthen your bias for future communications.

In summary, nothing can be overstated as to the importance of listening.  We have provided some guidance on the relevance of listening and spent time reflecting on various aspects of listening.  Adding the mastery of listening improves your life personally, socially and occupationally.  We have reflected on what is good, great and extraordinary about listening as well as some cautions as to what can happen if we are dysfunctional.