Marriage Connection

Do opposite personalities attract in a romantic relationship? Perhaps there is an initial intrigue when our own personal individual vulnerability is admiring another’s traits that are different than ours, while at the same time hoping to achieve a balanced romantic relationship. What often happens is that with time, in the marriage/couple relationship, once a comfort zone had been established within that relationship, there is often the need to change the other in order to make them see things and think as you do. 

The results then, according to one or the other partner, is that there is a "failure in communication." 

This can be the time when love, acceptance, and forgiveness of the opposite partner’s viewpoints need to be acknowledged. Maintaining positive attachment, and working back to the initial harmonious attraction as a couple becomes the goal. And, at the same time, trusting and validating your own traits and individuality is key. Walking side by side, rather than in fusion, can develop into a healthier relationship.

While managing one's individual emotional life and sorting out internal conflicts, difficult emotions from the past can also begin to surface. Detaching and letting go of negative thoughts and emotions will again guide you back to the feelings as a loving couple and a partnership.

We cannot erase our past. If we forget our past, we forget ourselves. We are our past.

As the work continues towards a healthy individual emotional growth, a couple can begin to apply strategic models used. This begins with validation and the respect of the other’s differences in points of view while also reducing emotionally-charged memories having triggered overwhelming reactions.  

Emotional regulation, or awareness of overwhelming thoughts from negative to positive, can help one stay balanced during difficult moments. Self-awareness of one’s internal conflicts between thoughts, emotion, and feeling will reduce symptoms of acute distress, often having resulted in mood imbalances such as depression/anxiety. 

Nurturing your authentic self while at the same time working at finding resolutions to differences between you and your partner is the path to emotional wisdom as a couple.

The path to emotional wisdom is emotional freedom.

The soul is strong. Human beings adapt. 

Observe your character vulnerabilities as personal strengths.

Observe the person you fell in love with, and have a better understanding of their points of view, even when they feel different than your own.

Be a good listener. Pause. Anyone in a couple likes being heard. 

Say what you need and mean what you say. If you need to walk away, tell your partner that you are walking away, but that you are coming back. Avoid attachment insecurities.

Stay away from blaming or criticizing the other. 

Stay away from what you can’t control.

Stay away from negativity.

Dr. Claire Vines, PsyD., Doctor of Psychology, DAPA.

As a Doctor of Psychology, licensed and Diplomate with the Psychotherapy Association. (DAPA), I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Psychological Trauma Therapist.

My treatment emphasis is relationship centered and resolution oriented. I will assist you with redirecting and managing life difficulties with positive directions into a solution to your emotional conflicts. Negative thoughts and emotions can lead to negative behaviors. Negative thoughts and feelings can be unlearned. Exploration of positive direction, encouragement and validation in verbal exchange for future solutions, while at the same time, awareness from lessons from past life experiences are addressed.

We will address the regulation of emotionally charged behaviors and the awareness of effects on your relationships.