“How do my help my severe depression?”

I’ve been living to dreadfully depressed to at least ask or try to find out what’s wrong with me. I was never a person that had anxiety or I just barely or never had so I never knew what it was or that it existed. From 17 to 20 I smoked Marijuana a lot everyday. I’ve been sober now for a year but there was this one night that changed everything. One night I was super down in the dumps and just wanted to fall asleep with no intention of harming myself. I took 2 pills that I know were some sort of Xanax and 4 more pills which I’m pretty sure were Benadryl. It’s hard to remember exactly how I felt but I do recall having EXTREME fatigue and blurred vision. I couldn’t concentrate and could barely move. I woke up the next day fine but then when I tried to sleep that night I all of a sudden couldn’t breathe for a couple seconds when I was about to fall asleep…and it startled me.

It felt like my heart stopped beating or skipped a beat. And then that week I quit marijuana and all drugs I had ever taken. I started getting VERY bad anxiety and full on panic attacks. My heart would race. It was almost impossible to breathe at times and it would cause me to force my parents to take me to the emergency room. A year has passed since then and I’ve been completely sober now since September 2020. But the reason I’m typing this out is because still today, I have these random shortness of breathe episodes and I start thinking very negative. Sometimes it gives anxiety attacks and sometimes I control it and it stops. I have very bad fatigue and low energy and always wake up with headaches. I can’t sleep more than 6 hours at a time and I always feel weak and tired. I just miss being able to breathe. I just miss feeling normal….Not even happy. I’m 21 years old and already don’t feel like living anymore. I hope you can provide any information or knowledge to maybe give me some sort of clarity. God bless.