“Major Depressive Disorder, ECT treatments ”

My name is Katie and I am 36 years old. I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder and I have been struggling with severe depression on and off since I was 10. I am trying to get scheduled for ECT~I have had it done before in 2008 and 2019. I feel like my brain is completely physically empty and numb and rotting and deteriorating and wasting away and I feel like I am physically dying. I feel like I have tingling and stinging sensations in my brain and forehead and physically numb feelings in my face and forehead. I feel mentally retarded for lack of better words and like all of my intelligence is gone. I am never hungry but I force myself to eat. I want to die every night in my sleep and I have suicidal thoughts every day. I feel like my eyes are stinging+they stay open a lot+I hardly blink. It is almost impossible to shower and walk outside or do anything. Do other people who have had ECT~have they had similar feelings or complained about similar things before they had ECT done? Please let me know ASAP. Thank you.