“Does my son need to go through some kind of counselling during my divorce proceedings?”
I am undergoing a divorce case and my son who was very attached to my husband and is affected from the turmoil at home. I know this is going to further upset him since he's going to see his father less often. Should I take him to a counselor to make sure he does not get emotionally affected due to all this?
14 Answers
Seeing a therapist can never hurt. Talk to your son about it.
Yes.
Absolutely, Mom..you are spot on here...getting him counseling will help him discuss things openly with someone who isn’t involved in the situation ...this will help him maintain emotionally and will be a huge benefit to him...Great to think of this, many parents don’t consider this early on likely due to their own personal hurts/frustrations/etc// Take care of you, too, Dr.Amy
Yes of course, Why not? It can provide a safe space for him to vent and say things that he may not feel comfortable sharing with you or his father. It can also teach him how to handle situation so in the future when something that he doesn't like happens, he will have more tools to process it.
Yes you should take him to a counselor. But do a little research to find one who is experienced working with kids his age and divorce situations and people who think they work well with kids. My husband died and I’ve taken my very resilient daughter to counseling to PREVENT serious psychological problems developing and everyone thinks she’s amazing. It can help you both negotiate very stressful circumstances and teach healthy communication and coping skills. Promote a healthy relationship with his father and avoid getting your son involved in your conflict with his father, regardless of how his father behaves (within reason and safety). Make VERY clear that the divorce is NOT his fault but the difficulty of adults getting along. Definitely get a good counselor and frequently they may engage the parents too. Good Luck
Response: first thng to do is to talk to your son and find out what he is thinking. You can offer that the divorse may present difficulties and discomforts to him, and that it OK for him to talk about them. Ask him if he can talk to you, of if there is someone else he has to talk to. if not, then you can ask if he would like to talk to a therapist. You might also want to explain at that point what a therapist does...e.g., listen with no judgment, help him think through his situation, empower him.
No matter what you do, your son will have reactions to the divorce. How he reacts is dependent on many things, such as age, previous functioning, nature of the breakup, ability of parents to communicate in best interest of the kids, external supports for your son such as friends, and a bunch more. If he is below age 6 or 7, counseling is probably a good idea, as younger children generally have the most difficult time with the death of a family (which is how they perceive divorce). But another factor that affects outcome is whether you and his father can learn to communicate about your son's needs in a rational, effective manner and NOT use the child to get back at each other.
Very good question. Taking your son to a counselor could be quite helpful. But..."To make sure he does not get emotionally affected..." You son WILL be emotionally affected by a divorce. That's only natural. If your son establishes a relationship with a therapist/counselor, he can openly start to share his concerns...and if he gets overwhelmed by emotion, he will have that healing relationship established. You haven't said how old your son is, and that is important in terms of what kind of counseling and counselor is appropriate. I spent 9 years in child psychiatry. I believe that play therapy is the best modality for children. Somewhere between 9 and 12, interactive guided imagery (at least in my practice) becomes the modality I would use. Interactive guided imagery is essentially "inner play."
Talk with him at length and ask if he'd like to talk to a disinterested party.
Yes, individual and family sessions will help him adjust better with this separation and reduce the risk of long term adjustment difficulties. He will also learn to communicate better with therapy.
Yes, it is highly recommended to involve a good counselor who can help channel the emotions supportively.
You are a Caring Mother!
Counseling for your son will be helpful as he is affected by turmoil at home; and be open for Parental Counseling when recommended by his Counselor.
Let the Wise Woman in you Reflect:
•Turmoil with your husband
•Your feelings of hut and anger and their intensity
•Counseling for yourself to resolve conflicts with your husband.
Counseling for your son will be helpful as he is affected by turmoil at home; and be open for Parental Counseling when recommended by his Counselor.
Let the Wise Woman in you Reflect:
•Turmoil with your husband
•Your feelings of hut and anger and their intensity
•Counseling for yourself to resolve conflicts with your husband.
In my opinion it is imperative that you make sure to have your son having regular sessions of counseling throughout this unfortunate and emotionally disturbing process.
It is not likely that he can be emotionally unaffected by the divorce. His father might be helpful in discussing the necessity for divorce, if willing and capable. The effect of the divorce can take a long time to manifest if ever. In any event, I would think that "watchful," respectful waiting is indicated. Reduction of rancor in the proceedings can help reduce trauma to your son.
