“Drinking himself into unconsciousness”
My husband is an alcoholic. After years of treatment, counseling and AA meetings he has stopped drinking. Or so I thought. I find empty, hidden liquor bottles plus most nights he is unconscious on the couch. When I rouse him, he just says he had a long day and is exhausted. I'm at the end of my rope. How do I help him for good, and how do I get him to be honest with me?
13 Answers
Continue therapy. Some medication can help cravings.
You can only control your behavior. It sounds like your husband has decided that his love for alcohol is the number one thing in his life. You can not get someone else to be honest if they don't want to be. You need to do what's best for you. He knows where help is if he wants it. Unfortunately, sometimes people love their addiction more that their spouses or families. Don't give your life away to another persons addiction. Good luck!
Good luck! He is clearly drinking again, if you are finding empty bottles. If he is passed out on the couch, he drank too much...Alcoholics are never honest. Nor are other addicts. My sub-specialty is addictions. They lie constantly..You need to take care of yourself. No one can get another person to quit drinking. That person has to decided for him/her self to get help. I suggest you move out. Maybe that will shock him enough to get help for himself. If money is a problem, maybe you can go stay with a relative for a time or a good friend. This is not easy to solve. If you are at "The end of your rope" it shows how this is damaging you. You matter. Take care of yourself. Get help for you. A professional can help you decide how to do these things... and how to approach the whole situation. Not easy. I have had this very same problem in my own family members. I thought I was immune to it, because I am an M.D. I was totally wrong.
Hello, it sounds like you are dealing with a lot and are not sure what to do anymore, have you sought help for yourself? I am concerned as you stated, "I am at the end of my rope." You are in a difficult situation. It sounds like your husband has been dishonest with you and his treatment. I would suggest seeking help for yourself to try to figure out what YOU need. You can try couples therapy, but keep in mind, people cannot be forced to change and do things they do not want to do. Find help for you.
This is a most difficult, but unfortunately not uncommon question. First, it would be wise and helpful for you to attend Alanon meetings. This is not for the addict, but for the family members or loved ones of addicts. This will give you greater understanding of the disease and options for yourself. Coaxing is helpful, but not always effective. If he attended AA in the past, get him back; if he had a sponsor in the past, notify him or her; encourage an inpatient rehab stay or perhaps an IOP or intensive outpatient treatment program, usually three to four days per week, three hours per day. A last resort would be an intervention in which friends and family members, perhaps a religious leader, are present and approach your husband with, "I love you, but..." hopefully ending in an admission to a drug and alcohol rehab facility.
GOOD LUCK.
GOOD LUCK.
Michael Klaybor
Psychologist
First of all, help yourself by going to ALANON or seeing a therapist to help you come to terms with your situation. Alcoholism or alcohol abuse in a brain disease requiring treatment with a licensed professional in addiction. You husband has to want to help himself. He can't be honest with you while he is still drinking. His primary relationship is with alcohol, not you.
The best way you can help him is by taking care of yourself by setting and maintaining firm boundaries so that there isn’t resentment and enabling behavior. We only have control of our own behaviors and decisions. The road to abstinence sometimes has ‘relapses.’ What’s important here is how quickly one is able to identify this, be honest with themselves, ask for help, and return to counseling and meetings for support.
Hope this was helpful.
Hope this was helpful.
It seems that you have tried everything. If your husband does not have enough motivation to take advantage of what you have done for him, then, unfortunately you may be helpless to do anything more to help him.
You're not going to help him. It’s easy for me to tell you to leave him and not deal with him anymore, but of course that would be wrong of me. Yet, if you left him for a week and see if he promised to you he would get help or forget it.... The decision is up to you to stay with that or not. Many addicts never stop and make their close loved ones miserable. If you’re co-dependent, then I feel bad for you because then you will never leave. One's life is not to be controlled or suffered by anyone. Remember that, free will...
Hi there, the first step is to seek help for yourself in order to learn how to take care of yourself first and learn determine how and if you can help someone else. People have to want the help more than you want to help them.
Given the history you have beautifully and succinctly described, the reality is that you cannot expect him to be honest with you at this stage or help him. Only when he learns self-love and self-responsibility by working the 12 steps with honesty and courage, he will be able to help himself. You might be able to help him indirectly by helping yourself by participating in Al-Anon -and overcoming your own codependency. Meanwhile, I am recommending you the self-help book “Codependent No More” by Melodie Beattie.
Best wishes!
Best wishes!
Make sure he is still attending regularly AA and has a sponsor. Consider looking for an Intensive Outpatient (IOP) service in the area you live and have him attend. Remember there will always be bumps in the road but they must be dealt with head on. Once IOP is accomplished, make sure he attends outpatient service - see a psychologist experienced in addiction and psych-therapy. This is a life long commitment on his part and your ever vigilance to keep him on target. Hopefully therapy can help him be authentic and honest...
This is a very common problem. Your best option is to take him for a psychiatric evaluation and start a new recovery plan for him. Be supportive, calm, but assertive.
