“How can I help my child cope with my divorce?”

I would recommend getting your son therapy. Sometimes, children communicate in other ways than just talking, and your son might be telling you how he feels in a way that doesn't involve words. Seeking help from a therapist who works with children can unlock your son's emotions and help him cope while also bringing together the parents to understand how to parent in this difficult time, should the therapist feel that is necessary. I would highly recommend seeking therapy for your son.

While I don’t yet know the specifics of your case, I can offer some general guidance that may be helpful as you navigate this challenging time. Divorce, especially when it becomes complicated, can have a profound impact on everyone involved—particularly children. It's understandable that your son is struggling to cope with the changes, and he may not yet have the words to express what he’s feeling.

One of the most important things you can do is to provide a safe, supportive space for him, especially when he's reluctant or unable to verbalize his emotions. Children often express distress through shifts in behavior, mood, or even withdrawal, rather than through words. It’s essential to respect his pace and give him the time he needs to process what’s happening. Healing, after all, is a process that unfolds gradually and cannot be rushed.

Maintaining consistency, showing understanding, and offering reassurance will help foster a sense of security for him amidst this uncertainty. When a family’s dynamic is disrupted, it's natural for children to react with confusion or distress. This is where patience, combined with gentle encouragement, can make a difference.

You can support your son by validating his emotions and letting him know it’s okay to feel upset, confused, or even angry. It might also be helpful to offer alternative outlets for expression, such as drawing, playing, or engaging in physical activities—ways for him to channel and release the emotional energy that words alone might not convey.

Given the sensitivity of this situation, it may also be valuable to seek the support of a child therapist, depending on your son’s age. Therapy can provide him with a neutral, supportive environment to process his emotions. You might also consider your own therapeutic support during this time to navigate the complexities you're facing as a parent. Both you and your son deserve care as you move through this transition.

Be focused on your child. Absorb the blows directed at you. Try not to be defensive. Be honest and do not poison your child against the other parent. Show unconditional live and understand that their acting out serves a function for them. Amp up the love.

If both of you continue to talk to him eventually he may come around. It sounds like he’s rebelling and taking a stand. Also family therapy is a great option for softening a segue into this new way of life.

I would consider enrolling him into therapy based on his age with considerations regarding attachment to both parents and how he is internalizing and experiencing his emotions and grief.

Divorce can be hard on children as you know, but they are more resilient than we think. Sometimes they need time to process what is happening and depending on their age they may or may not have the words to express themselves. I don’t know your situation but would be happy to consult. Therapy is always a great option for kids because they often feel safest with someone who can be objective.

The first thing that divorcing parents need to do is not speak poorly of the other parent in front of the child no matter what your ex does. Depending on the developmental stage and personality of the child different methods will make the child feel supported, while other methods may be more traumatic. If therapy is not an option, try talking to the school counselor to check in on your child; these professionals can often offer the best solutions after meeting your individual child and knowing the resources in your community.

Divorces are always hard on everyone, including children. Unfortunately, your son may be feeling a lot of emotions at this time, whether it’s anger, confusion, or feeling out of control and whether he understands them or not is also difficult to know. The best thing is to seek a professional to help him deal and understand these emotions. I don’t know the situation between you and your husband, but you can try and help your son by normalizing these difficult emotions and allowing him to share whatever it is that is happening with open ears, open heart, and no judgement.

I'd recommend finding a child and adolescent therapist to work with your son individually, as well as therapy for you and your husband separately during this time. Try to keep routines and schedules as normal as possible. Children are very intuitive, so try to be honest, but also make best efforts to keep negativity regarding the divorce and your spouse to a minimum.

Reassure your son that he is loved by both parents. Also, let him know he is not expected to take a side; this is an adult issue. Share with him that if he has any questions he is welcome to ask. Be age appropriately honest with him. He is processing in his own way so give him safe space and let him know his feelings are valid. Check in with him from time to time and ask him his thoughts. His thoughts will reveal his feelings. Be well.

The standard things: explain that it is not his fault, that you will both love him always, and he can count on both of you to try to be there for him whenever you are needed. Schools generally have good programs for children of divorce or other losses. Rainbows is a great program. Family counseling for the three of you be a sound course of action until the child appears to be more at peace with the new life altering situation. Hopefully the father will remain an active participant in the child's life.

I am sorry to hear that. The best way to support your son is to make sure he has someone to talk to through this time. He might not feel comfortable discussing all of his feelings about the divorce with you so he needs someone outside of the situation to be his advocate. I suggest he start therapy if he is not already in therapy and you need to appropriately keep him involved in conversations about the divorce so that he knows what is happening. Keep all information factual and appropriate for his age level. I hope this helps, let me know if I can help you any further.

Hello,

Divorce is never easy for anyone. Remember to not talk badly about your son's father to him even when you're angry. Try to form a new structure and consistency in your home. Encourage your son to confide in a friend, or if he is open to it look for an outpatient therapist in your area. Remind him that you love him and none of this is his fault.

I hope this is helpful,

Ashly Witkowiak, LCSW