“How should I raise my adopted child?”
My husband and I decided to adopt a child because we are having difficulties conceiving our own. We just got the approval to adopt, but we both feel a little out of our element. Do you have any tips for raising an adopted child?
4 Answers
When an adoption is legal and officially completed in court, the judge states the child is to be considered the same as a natural child and is entitled to everything as well. This includes emotional, physical and financial support and legal status regarding benefits or estate matters. Would you introduce your child as your child or your adopted child? Do you need an extra label? There are open adoptions whereby the child knows and has contact with people in the birth family. On the positive side it can be good to know siblings, etc. However it can raise questions like "why was I adopted out and not my sister." Other families never discuss being adopted and leave it to the child to seek out their birth family as an adult. Each situation is different as is each family dynamic. Adoptive families experience divorce like other families. Once the child enters school you may find there are more adoptive families and you will see how different families operate. Lead with love, create a family of your own with your 'fingerprint'. Take time to bond right away. Parents might find other adoptive parents who can be supportive as you navigate this journey. Jennifer Groebe, LCSW
There are many books out there to help you feel a little more at ease with your new addition. But honestly my answer is raise the child and love it as you would had you given birth. Surely you are feeling the same as any new mom would feel.
I would blend your adopted child's culture or origin with your parenting style and family culture, and accept, receive, and blend your origin in a way which honors you and your husband, and helps provide identity messaging for the child which minimizes negative identity formation and promotes diversity in the love you show and instill in your child.
Celebrate the child as if you had given birth to it. Be honest with the child. Have two birthdays. One for the child's actual birthday and one for the adoption date. If you start with this it will not be a surprise when the child becomes old enough to understand what adoption is. Emphasize that the child was chosen and wanted by you more than they can imagine. LOVE
