How Has RA Impacted Being a Mom?

Which little everyday things are made more difficult by RA?

I don't cook very much as being on my feet in the kitchen for the prep, cooking and cleanup takes too big a chunk of my limited energy. My kids are used to simple meals and lots of grab-on-the-go. I conserve my energy to keep up with their schedules and get them to their activities and be present for them. I don't think they mind or care, but i feel guilty sometimes for not making more healthy home-cooked meals. I also don't play as much as I'd like to be able. On good days, I can throw the ball around or play basketball for a short time with my son. But I can pretty much never run without dire consequences. It's disappointing for my son, who is very physical and loves to play with me. When I hit the wall/run out of steam, I can become impatient and angry with my kids for doing normal kid things, like fighting with each other. I explain to them that I'm tired and hurting and can't handle much more in that moment. I feel bad that they got stuck with this reality; but I also hope that it is helping them to learn empathy and caring for and about others. 

What has RA taught you about motherhood?

That children need love, and to be seen and heard, first and foremost. Unconditional love. That, and their basic needs met. Everything else is a bonus. You do NOT need to puree organic baby food, post pinterest-worthy homemade rainbow birthday cakes (no disrespect to the moms who do! they are amazing and I can happily cheer them on without feeling the need to do the same), or keep your house immaculate to be a great mom. (My kids get dressed from the never-folded mountain of clean laundry because I never seem to get it folded! They don't care!) You need to love your kids and teach them to be decent human beings. We can do that, despite whatever limitations RA causes. On my good days, I take advantage and engage with my kids as much as I'm able. On bad days, they still know I love them and I'm here for them, but dinner may be a frozen pizza and they may need a ride to their sport with a friend or their dad. As long as we are doing our most important job of loving them, they wouldn't trade us for the world's most perfect Pinterest mom, or anyone else. They just want you. Try to get out of your head and your pain, and just connect with them. When you're well enough and able to do so, it is the best distraction from your ills. It's also what they want and need from us more than anything else.  

What advice would you give to other moms with RA?

Talk to yourself like you would a good friend going through this. Cut yourself some slack. Know that you are doing the best you can, and your best will be enough. Don't berate yourself for whatever you're unable to accomplish, or compare yourself to others.  Pat yourself on the back for whatever you're able to do. Ask for help when you need it. Surround yourself with supportive people who understand. Cut ties with negative nellies, energy vampires, and anyone who doubts your reality and pain just because it isn't visible. Make memories for yourself and your kids. They won't care whether the laundry was always done, the cake was perfect, or the house was pristine. They will remember your loving presence.