Being Positive as a Full-Time Caregiver and Wife

When he was just 58, my husband received one of the most terrible pieces of news in our entire life: Parkinson's disease. 

It was like our world has shattered. He was experiencing symptoms for a long period of time, but we didn't think anything of it, just thought it was a part of aging. I tried to understand why this had to happen, why did this have to happen to us of all people. But, we are slowly getting over it right now, especially since we still have each other and we already have lived our lives to the fullest. Now, we are just trying to manage the disease ourselves, without anybody else.

It was after the second fall when he was diagnosed. We thought it was something else, completely. We thought we had a few more years before one of us would have a disease that would change our lives completely. Gerry and I had a few more things that we wanted to do and see. And, we did do some of them, but faux grandma and grandpa aren't going to go skydiving any time soon (yes, we really wanted to do that).

We do not have any kids to help us, so I had to leave my job and work from home once he was diagnosed. I was 52, still well below the retirement age (and I still am below the retirement age), and someone had to do something to pay the bills. Gerry, my husband, did qualify for disability then, but that only does so much for us .

Ten years later, I'm still working from home to pay the bills, but less so as his symptoms are becoming more severe. He's on Levodopa still, and probably will be for the rest of his life. The tremors only subsided a little bit, and his random tics and jolts just keep coming. Sometimes, there are days where his symptoms are mild. But, other days, I see them all too clear and it absolutely scares me.

I hate seeing my husband like this. I hate how this had to happen to us, and I hate how it happened to us so early. But, we are hanging on with hope for a cure. It might not be before the disease completely defines him, but we both know it will come someday. Right now, Gerry and I are trying to be as positive as we can be. Which, I know is important, right? Being positive. 

I'm in it until the very end, no matter how debilitating this disease can be for Gerry. After all, I took the vow, "'Til Death Do Us Part."