“Is being a bisexual a problem?”
I am a 38 year old man and I am now slowly discovering that I have feelings for both men and women. Is it a problem in me or just a normal sexual preference? What should I do?
10 Answers
No it is not a problem - see a therapist who specializes in sexuality issues and is certified to treat issues associated with it.
Deborah R. Wagner
Psychologist
Psychologically, it’s not a problem unless it causes disruptions in your life and family. It’s healthy to explore your sexuality and become comfortable with what it is.
Dual attraction to the sexes happens. Whether it is a problem or not depends on how you manage this difference. Do no harm.
Bisexuality is normal. It is only a problem if you are troubled by it. If you do have a problem with your sexual identity, then I recommend that you get help in gaining self-acceptance.
Freud wrote - maybe 100 years ago - that all people have both sexual attractions inherent in them, but in different proportions. Perhaps these modify over a lifetime to some degree. Seems likely that a 50/50 percentage would be one of those! This is a ‘it is what it is’ situation. So why not accept it, act prudently, and find something more useful to worry about. Nothing you can do to change it, right?
Perhaps a few sessions of counseling might help you relax on this subject. Good luck!
Peace,
Marian
Perhaps a few sessions of counseling might help you relax on this subject. Good luck!
Peace,
Marian
It is not a problem unless you feel/think it is a problem. There may be some benefit to meeting with a qualified psychologist to discuss the issue.
Your feelings and who you are attracted to, are never right or wrong. They are your truth. How other people respond to your choices, I can tell you there are many narrow minded people, so you will get some rejection. Fact is you get rejection even if your not bisexual. Please practice safe sex!
It is as normal as you make it. We have a social history of discrimination that still affects many people. Thus, many fear coming out of the closet, so they may need therapy to encourage them. Otherwise they are doomed to a secret life. In my opinion the only problem with bisexuality or homosexuality is social stigmas and lack of sufficient courage to be true to one's self in the face of it. The social stigma is waning due to brave souls who dare to live authentic lives.
Don’t worry about it. It can be a normal thing to go through and nothing wrong with bisexuality, unless you are deeply religious and then that’s a different matter.
This answer is for information purposes only and does not constitute treatment.
Some people experience shifts in their attractions, sexual interests, and romantic attachments over the course of their life. You mention "slowly discovering" in your question. This may mean things have shifted for you recently, or these attractions and feelings have been present in the background for a while and you are just starting to recognize them now.
Same-sex attraction carries some amount of negative reaction and stigma in many societies and cultures. This often makes it very difficult to face and identify as we mature. People receive lots of signals, some subtle and some as clear as a punch in the face, about who it is OK to be attracted to and feel romantic about. For some, this leads to a suppression of feelings. For others, there is a change as we mature.
The nature and meaning of "feelings" is a very huge and loaded topic also. In most of American culture, men and boys are taught that close and tender feelings towards other males, especially those not our father or brothers, is wrong. Sometimes, as men mature they come to feel that closeness with male friends and family is a kind of love that needs to be recognized, but doesn't have any sexual drive to it. Not all attraction is inherently sexual.
Feelings of emotional and/or sexual attraction to both men and women are not a problem in and of themselves. Depending on your current partnership status (coupled or single), the opinions of your close family and friends, how much you feel influenced and bound by your culture, and the laws on same-sex conduct in your area (and whether feelings lead to sexual behavior), there may or may not be a problem.
If these changes are making your feel really anxious or stressed out or worried, or if they are making problems getting along with those you love, then maybe you need some help to figure out what to do. If these feelings aren't troubling to you and not interfering with your relationships, then maybe that is a different matter.
Some information that may help you can be found at the Kinsey Institute (https://www.kinseyinstitute.org/research/faq.php) as well as at the Bisexual Resource Center (https://biresource.org/).
Some people experience shifts in their attractions, sexual interests, and romantic attachments over the course of their life. You mention "slowly discovering" in your question. This may mean things have shifted for you recently, or these attractions and feelings have been present in the background for a while and you are just starting to recognize them now.
Same-sex attraction carries some amount of negative reaction and stigma in many societies and cultures. This often makes it very difficult to face and identify as we mature. People receive lots of signals, some subtle and some as clear as a punch in the face, about who it is OK to be attracted to and feel romantic about. For some, this leads to a suppression of feelings. For others, there is a change as we mature.
The nature and meaning of "feelings" is a very huge and loaded topic also. In most of American culture, men and boys are taught that close and tender feelings towards other males, especially those not our father or brothers, is wrong. Sometimes, as men mature they come to feel that closeness with male friends and family is a kind of love that needs to be recognized, but doesn't have any sexual drive to it. Not all attraction is inherently sexual.
Feelings of emotional and/or sexual attraction to both men and women are not a problem in and of themselves. Depending on your current partnership status (coupled or single), the opinions of your close family and friends, how much you feel influenced and bound by your culture, and the laws on same-sex conduct in your area (and whether feelings lead to sexual behavior), there may or may not be a problem.
If these changes are making your feel really anxious or stressed out or worried, or if they are making problems getting along with those you love, then maybe you need some help to figure out what to do. If these feelings aren't troubling to you and not interfering with your relationships, then maybe that is a different matter.
Some information that may help you can be found at the Kinsey Institute (https://www.kinseyinstitute.org/research/faq.php) as well as at the Bisexual Resource Center (https://biresource.org/).
