“How should I talk to my daughter about her first period?”
Any day now I know that my daughter is going to have her very first period (she's 11), and I'm nervous talking to her about it. I'm aware that they talked to her at school about it already, but what should I say when she comes to me with it? My mother barely told me about what to expect, so I don't want to be the same way.
2 Answers
Dear Mom,
You and I are of the generation when many parents did not feel comfortable talking to their teens about becoming an adult and all that entails. I’m a pediatrician of many years and have taken care of thousands of pre-teens and teens, both boys and girls. I always advice moms to find a private comfortable time with just the two of you, maybe at bedtime or a walk in
the park, etc., can talk.
You can say something like, “I just wanted to talk to you briefly about starting your periods. My mom never really talked to me about them so I didn’t know what to expect and it was a little scary for me and I don’t want you to feel like I did. Pretty soon, Your body will soon begin to change due to increased hormones which is totally and completely normal and natural. It’s the way we are made. So, when the time is right for you, you will notice a little bleeding from your vagina once a month or less and the bleeding will be slight the first day or two. When that happens, just tell me and we’ll make sure you have pads to line your underwear to absorb the blood. We don’t want to use tampons because they can cause serious infections sometimes. At first, you may just have a little staining for 2-3 days and that may only happen every few months. Sooner or later, you will have normal periods once a month which will cause increased vaginal bleeding for a few days and you will be very smart and prepared to manage your periods with ease and maturity. Most girls will not have a period every month to begin with and you might only have a period every few months at first and then in a year or so you will begin to have regular monthly periods for about 5-6 days. Girls usually start their periods about the age their mother’s did. Mine began at (fill in the blank) years. You will have some discomfort in your lower abdomen with your periods which you can treat with some over-the-counter pain meds. When you do first notice some mild vaginal bleeding, please tell me so I can help you make sure that you do not experience any unnecessary embarrassment, confusion or pain. I just wanted to tell you about all this because I love you so much. Do you have any questions?"
You and I are of the generation when many parents did not feel comfortable talking to their teens about becoming an adult and all that entails. I’m a pediatrician of many years and have taken care of thousands of pre-teens and teens, both boys and girls. I always advice moms to find a private comfortable time with just the two of you, maybe at bedtime or a walk in
the park, etc., can talk.
You can say something like, “I just wanted to talk to you briefly about starting your periods. My mom never really talked to me about them so I didn’t know what to expect and it was a little scary for me and I don’t want you to feel like I did. Pretty soon, Your body will soon begin to change due to increased hormones which is totally and completely normal and natural. It’s the way we are made. So, when the time is right for you, you will notice a little bleeding from your vagina once a month or less and the bleeding will be slight the first day or two. When that happens, just tell me and we’ll make sure you have pads to line your underwear to absorb the blood. We don’t want to use tampons because they can cause serious infections sometimes. At first, you may just have a little staining for 2-3 days and that may only happen every few months. Sooner or later, you will have normal periods once a month which will cause increased vaginal bleeding for a few days and you will be very smart and prepared to manage your periods with ease and maturity. Most girls will not have a period every month to begin with and you might only have a period every few months at first and then in a year or so you will begin to have regular monthly periods for about 5-6 days. Girls usually start their periods about the age their mother’s did. Mine began at (fill in the blank) years. You will have some discomfort in your lower abdomen with your periods which you can treat with some over-the-counter pain meds. When you do first notice some mild vaginal bleeding, please tell me so I can help you make sure that you do not experience any unnecessary embarrassment, confusion or pain. I just wanted to tell you about all this because I love you so much. Do you have any questions?"
TELL HER NOW. Make sure she knows what to expect. Buy her pantiliners in case she starts at school. Make sure she knows it is normal.
