Coming home, 1991: Journey from Hell into the flames

It's 1991, two weeks before Christmas, standing here in my house I owned with my boyfriend at the time. Wondering, after talking to my boyfriend's mother, Faye, told me knowing how much she loved her son, that if I wanted a different life then I had to make a clean break, hit the highway, and never look back.

Now I applaud her for showing me the light. It was one of the hardest steps I had to make, leaving him after 10 plus years. I had made a life-changing decision; at the time I didn't know how great. Next morning, my new life would start. I woke up at 5 a.m. with my boyfriend Craig, in the last moments I will spend with him knowing I was not going to be here tonight. Oh what a liberating feeling, from being a young woman into a more experimental lady. Was going to make this journey come hell or high water. So I watched him walk out the door for the last time, while my blood pressure went sky high. Sat there for a good hour before I got the last of my stuff together, thought to myself, "can't bring everything, have to leave memories behind like my life."

As I looked around for the last time, scared of what comes next, I locked the front door walked to my car and only looked back once to say goodbye to This Little House on Victoria Street in Kingston, Ontario. As I get to the bus depot, I leave the keys as I said I would and packed all my bags. I look like a hall tree where you hang coats, hats, etc. I bought my bus ticket to Toronto. First leg of my journey has started, got on the bus as we drove through Kingston, "This is really happening, wow, my life is changing."

Well the bus arrived in Toronto Airport, I got off; T-minus 6 hours till my plane leaves. Too much time to think; not just that, but, I can't get rid of my bags for 3 to 4 hours. So, I brought mostly all my belongings except the three huge boxes that I shipped to Alberta (thanks PC you always had my back, now you're my guardian angel, I love you, for who you were and still are to me). So I go to the buffet line at the cafeteria and picked up something to eat and drink; going to be a long afternoon of worrying and wondering if Craig would walk through those doors. Got settled in my seat in the cafeteria.

A security guard comes up to me and says, "Lady you can't have all the stuff here" and I told him that this is all I have coming out of a relationship after 10 plus years. I am not letting it out of my sight, let alone stick it out of the cafeteria. I said my flight is not till later and showed him my ticket for my flight. Dodged another one. My thought at the time as I boarded the plane is "let's just get the F out of here." Up in the air, I decided I'm now a single woman. As the plane touched down in Calgary, I got off and literally kissed the ground. I'm here and nothing can stop me now. I meet my mom and my sister, a sight for sore eyes. Christmas 1991 was the start of years of pain, misery, and secrets that don't come out till I'm in my fifties; wow, life has its ups and downs. The next chapter we will look into how many journeys I had to make for a life that will eventually lead to better health. Little did I know it started that day.

How I got to know how to handle Crohn's and UC, and now battling some unknown disease for almost 40 years, what a nightmare it is. Don't know what I'm facing or what's to come that has haunt me for decades, hopeful now at 53 I will finally find the answers.

Next blog I would like to pass on the knowledge I went through. It is a nightmare that still haunts my body to this day. I always say knowledge is power, but if you don't have the knowledge you can't have the power to change anything.

Till next time.

Signing off, Crohn's/UC Warrior and Survivor since 1988.