Five Signs You May Have Been Raised By Toxic Parents
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Toxic parents are typically identified as those who are abusive, manipulative, overly critical, or neglectful of their children's needs. More commonly, they are simply parents who are emotionally immature, struggle with unaddressed mental health, addictions, or unresolved trauma of their own, or who grew up in toxic families themselves and don’t have the skills or role models to do differently or better. Toxic parenting can lead to long-lasting negative consequences for their children's mental health, ability to form healthy relationships, and overall quality of life.
Here are 5 signs that indicate you may have been raised by toxic parents:
Poor boundaries: Children of toxic parents often struggle to set boundaries in their interpersonal and professional relationships. As children of toxic parents, they were not allowed to define their own needs, wants, or feelings and were instead forced to cater to their parents' needs and demands. As a result, as adults they may have difficulty saying no or establishing healthy boundaries with friends, partners, or coworkers.
Weak self-esteem: In healthy attachment systems, parents create a dynamic where the child learns and knows on a deep level that they are valuable and worthy regardless of performance or behavior. Toxic parents often criticize and belittle their children, which can lead to development of low self-esteem and negative self-talk. Even though they may be high-achieving, many adult children of toxic parents struggle with internalized feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and shame and may engage in self-sabotaging behaviors that reinforce negative self-beliefs.
Difficulty trusting: Because toxic parents are often emotionally unreliable or engage in patterns of manipulation and control, children in these families often have their feelings and thoughts invalidated, dismissed or weaponized. As a result, they may struggle to see relationships as safe or supportive. Because their parents were not emotionally safe, another common marker is hyper-vigilance in interpersonal situations; they tend to always be on-guard for emotional danger.
Struggles with emotion regulation: Children of toxic parents may not have learned healthy emotion regulation skills, as they were often exposed to intense or unpredictable emotions from their parents. The experience of toxic parenting can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, depression, addictions, or trauma symptoms, which can be difficult to manage without intervention from a mental health professional.
Perfectionism: Children of toxic parents often internalize the belief that their worth is based on their accomplishments or achievements. One of the most common manifestations of this is that as adults, they may struggle with perfectionism, where any perceived flaws or failure feels like a personal reflection on their self-worth. Perfectionism can lead to burnout, anxiety, and difficulty forming authentic personal or professional relationships.
Growing up with toxic parents can have lasting negative effects on your mental health, relationships, and overall quality of life. However, recognizing the signs of toxic parenting and seeking professional help can lead to transformative healing and recovery.
Reference:
Garber, B. D. (2019). Parental Factors and Childhood Emotion Regulation: A Review of 25 Years of Research. Journal Of Child And Family Studies, 28(11), 2962-2978. doi: 10.1007/s10826-019-01508-z
