“I Love You, But Stay Off My Phone"

How Technology Is Affecting Our Relationships and Mental Health

We live in an age where staying connected to others is as simple as picking up our phones. But with this convenience comes a whole set of challenges. Smartphones and digital devices, while making it easier to stay in touch, can also cause stress, confusion, and even anxiety. We’ve all been there—feeling overwhelmed by constant messages, notifications, or the pressure to be “always on.” So, what do we do when these tools meant to keep us connected start to create distance instead? Can technology improve our relationships, or is it making us feel more alone?

In this article, we’ll explore how some of the behaviors that have emerged alongside modern technology—such as ghosting, digital stalking, and constant surveillance—are affecting our mental and emotional well-being. We’ll also discuss how setting healthy boundaries with technology can help protect your mental health and strengthen your relationships.

What is Ghosting? And Why Do People Do It?

In the past, if someone stopped talking to you, it was pretty clear they were either angry or busy. But today, with texts, social media, and instant messaging, “ghosting” has become a common, confusing behavior. Ghosting means cutting off all communication with someone without explanation. The person simply stops responding to texts, calls, or social media messages, leaving the other person wondering what went wrong.

This behavior can happen in any type of relationship, from romantic relationships to friendships, and even between family members. In fact, ghosting has become such a popular behavior in the digital age that many people now expect it at some point.

Why do people ghost others? According to Dr. Carol Dweck, a psychologist who studies how our mindset influences our behavior, "People with a fixed mindset, who fear rejection or confrontation, may be more likely to ghost rather than face an uncomfortable situation" (Dweck, 2006). Essentially, some people ghost because they’re afraid of the emotional difficulty that comes with explaining themselves. This fear of vulnerability can prevent healthy communication and leave people feeling hurt and confused.

While ghosting can happen at any time, it’s especially easy to do in the digital age when we can hide behind a screen. When people don’t have to look someone in the eye or face the awkwardness of a direct conversation, it’s much easier to disconnect. However, ghosting can also cause harm to the person on the other end, leaving them feeling rejected, anxious, and even depressed.

The Hidden Dangers of Digital Stalking

We all want to feel loved and cared for, but sometimes that care can cross a line. In today’s digital world, it’s easy for someone—whether it’s a partner, family member, or friend—to keep tabs on us through our phones, social media, and even location tracking apps. While these tools are often used to stay connected and safe, they can also be used to control or monitor someone’s every move.

Have you ever been in a relationship where someone insisted on knowing where you are at all times? Or checked your messages or social media accounts? These behaviors are often labeled as “digital stalking,” and it can happen without us even realizing it. What starts as an innocent check-in can quickly become a form of control, leaving the person being monitored feeling trapped or overwhelmed.

Dr. Robert Sapolsky, a neuroscientist who studies human behavior, explains that "When people feel insecure or fearful in relationships, they may start to monitor and control the other person to feel a sense of safety" (Sapolsky, 2017). For example, a partner might check your phone or social media to ease their anxiety. While the intention might be to feel closer, it can actually have the opposite effect, damaging trust and causing emotional strain.

It’s important to recognize that using technology to monitor someone else’s behavior without their permission can have serious consequences, not just for the relationship but for your mental health. Feeling constantly watched or controlled can create stress, anxiety, and even feelings of depression. According to Dr. Sherry Turkle, a psychologist who studies technology’s impact on relationships, “When we use technology to control others, we risk damaging the very connection we seek to create” (Turkle, 2011).

Surveillance Technology: When “Safety” Becomes Stress

Many of us have installed cameras around our homes for security, but what happens when those cameras start to feel like more than just a tool for protection? Devices like Ring doorbell cameras, security systems, and even hidden cameras can sometimes cause more harm than good, especially when they are used excessively or without consent.

While the idea of keeping our homes safe from intruders sounds reassuring, constant surveillance can actually increase feelings of anxiety. Every time an alert goes off—whether it’s a motion detector or a notification about someone being at the door—our brains can go into fight-or-flight mode. This means that even if there’s no real threat, the body reacts as if there is one, raising stress levels and triggering the release of stress hormones like cortisol.

Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett, an expert on emotions, explains that our brains are constantly predicting potential threats, and when we are exposed to constant surveillance, it can make us feel like we are always in danger—even when we’re not (Barrett, 2017). This constant state of alertness can cause serious mental health issues, including chronic stress and sleep disturbances.

Furthermore, when landlords, partners, or even neighbors use cameras to monitor your activities, it can feel like a serious invasion of privacy. It’s important to recognize the impact this can have on your emotional well-being. Feeling like you are always being watched can cause feelings of powerlessness and distress.

Setting Healthy Digital Boundaries

So, what can you do to protect yourself from the stress and anxiety caused by technology? One of the most important things you can do is set clear digital boundaries. This means taking control of how and when you use technology, and communicating those boundaries to others. Here are a few simple steps to help:

• Mute notifications: Constant notifications can be overwhelming. Mute non-essential notifications to reduce distractions and stress.
• Use privacy settings: Make sure your social media accounts and apps have strong privacy settings, so only trusted people can see your information.
• Set boundaries with your loved ones: If someone is constantly checking your phone, sharing your location, or monitoring your online activity, it’s important to have an open conversation. Let them know how you feel and set clear limits.
• Take breaks from screens: Spend time offline to reset your mind and give yourself space from constant digital connections.

Dr. Jordan Peterson, a clinical psychologist, emphasizes the importance of personal boundaries in maintaining healthy relationships. He suggests that “boundaries are not only a way to protect yourself, but also a way to show respect for others” (Peterson, 2018). By setting clear limits on how you engage with others digitally, you protect both your emotional well-being and your relationships.

Conclusion

Technology has undoubtedly changed how we connect with others, but it’s important to remember that it’s not the only way to build and maintain healthy relationships. While it can help us stay in touch, it’s also crucial to set boundaries to protect our mental and emotional health. Whether it’s dealing with ghosting, digital surveillance, or constant monitoring, it’s important to take control of your digital life in a way that promotes respect, trust, and well-being.

By recognizing when technology is causing stress or harm, and taking steps to protect your privacy and emotional health, you can use these tools in a way that enhances—not harms—your relationships.

References

Barrett, L. F. (2017). How emotions are made: The secret life of the brain. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.

Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The new psychology of success. Random House.

Peterson, J. (2018). 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos. Random House.

Sapolsky, R. (2017). Behave: The biology of humans at our best and worst. Penguin Press.

Turkle, S. (2011). Alone together: Why we expect more from technology and less from each other. Basic Books.