“What is the best way to handle a loved one with an alcohol problem?”

See a therapist and go to AA.

That sense of helplessness is all too common. You can try joining Alanon (forgive the spelling) and maybe a member of AA could talk to him. You can try threats, but they generally don't work.

Alcohol Use Disorder is an illness that affects the brain and needs immediate treatment. Unfortunately, most people who suffer from the illness are not willing to seek treatment for it. This puts a lot of strain on their loved ones, and can ultimately destroy entire families. The best way to approach a loved one with alcoholism is to set very strict limits with them, and to enforce the limits (and the consequences of breaking them) consistently. In order to learn how to set and enforce limits, you can either go to free support groups such as Al-Anon https://al-anon.org/ or CoDA http://coda.org/. If you don't like these support groups, then the other option would be to find a good therapist with experience in addiction and alcoholism, and seek their help.






Sayeh Beheshti, M.D., M.A.
Adult psychiatrist & psychotherapist

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I would find a good Alanon meeting and then a good sponsor at the meeting. You may need to try a few meetings before you find one that fits. What is best to do for your husband depends on many factors and usually a good meeting will lead you to the best answers.
Tony Stanton, M.D.

Dear Family Member:     
This suggestion is counter intuitive, however, reality is that you are very much affected by their disease and no one else will take care of you in this difficult season. Too much for most people to go through the loneliness, the frustration, the anger, loss, and anxiety of an increasing disease of addiction in a family member. Start with Al-anon or Families Anonymous and find your own improved hope & direction. As you become calm and happy, less easily baited, he will see himself earlier. Your number one goal has to be to increase your quality of life. Number two ‘desire’ is that he will 'want what you have.' You can put effort in developing hope and recovering from the effects. One option is to research treatment options that are available in his insurance network or appealing in other ways, for the moment when ‘the person with the disease asks about treatment.’ Some keep life insurance policies paid up and practice ‘let go & let god.’ Your answers will be found by you, one day at a time. Sometimes one minute at a time. Be gentle on yourself & your family member; this is a tough deal.               

I understand your distress due to financial and emotional problems and that your husband “doesn't see that he has a problem”.
Have a Heart to Heart talk with your husband, tell him that you want to have good Relationship with Emotional, Physical, and Sexual Intimacy; that you are there to understand his feelings, needs and stresses in his life.
Then express your concern about his behaviors under the influence of Alcohol, and suggest to see a Psychiatrist for Diagnosis and Treatment.
If he refuses, then attend Al-Anon meetings for understanding and support for yourself.

Look into CRAFT. Best if you can find someone locally who does it.

The most important thing at this time is his realization about the issue. You can try to make him see why it is concerning and how it is affecting. Once he realizes, there are many options in controlling it. There are outpatient substance abuse programs and group support that help patients overcome issues.

With an empathic and supportive approach, indulge in free-flowing conversation and convince him to get some professional help.

Go to AA meetings - you will learn how to deal with an alcoholic spouse there. I always tell partners in such relationships to get control of the financial assets.

If he doesn't see his alcohol use as a problem, I recommend starting with a primary care visit where he can be fully evaluated, including a full physical exam and lab tests. I would encourage him to then get a referral to a psychologist or psychiatrist for additional support. You can also look up your local outpatient rehabs for additional help.