Mental Health Self-Saboteurs

Mental Health Self-Saboteurs

By

Dr. David Koehn

Here is a treatise on self-sabotage taken from a variety of internet resources.   There is a lot of talk about why people with mental illness self-sabotage. People are afraid of two things, success and failure. It is not surprising that many people fear failure. Fearing success, however, is an entirely different psychological quagmire. Why would someone fear being successful? What could possibly be the downside of success? The answer is a lot more basic than you might think.

Mental illness, in many ways, is part of some ones identity. Like it or not, it does factor in to making us whole.  Many people with mental illness, do not like this particular part of our make-up, but we are used to it. It has been there since the beginning and, for better or worse, we are used to living with it. As an example, many people are sensitive to the symptoms, the limitations, and, yes, even the failures that bipolar disorder brings.

Because of the way we treat mental illness in our society, people are often sick for a long time before they begin to receive any sort of care. The treatments are slow and can take months, or even years, to be effective. It is no surprise that mental illness becomes a large part of some ones identity and not just because the illness is linked directly to our emotions, thoughts, and personalities.

Because mental illness is part of who we are, there is a mourning process when it goes away. Yes, even though it’s a bad thing. When success shows up and threatens to change our core identity from person who is sick to a person who is successful, we naturally get nervous. Just because we do not like being sick does not mean we are not used to it.

Then success comes along and tries to mess with that? The phrase, Oh, hell no immediately springs to mind. We are reminded of crayon scribbles on the wall of a child’s room. Parents work to prevent it, are unhappy when it occurs, but when someone tries to paint over it 15 years later, they break down in tears. They have become so used to the scribbles that they became part of the room. 

None of these are good reasons to self-sabotage. . Just because an action is understandable does not make it a good one. For example, we understand why we over-eat (food is delicious) but that does not mean we are making good choices.  If you’ve watched the movie “Good Will Hunting,” then you’ve already seen an example of self-sabotage.  A young man named Will Hunting regularly acted in ways that negatively impacted his mental health. He refused to speak openly with therapists about his real emotions. He spent his spare time drinking with people who generally didn’t encourage him to succeed.  Despite being a self-taught genius, he didn’t share his abilities with others or use them to his advantage. He sabotaged job interviews by sending his best friend in to mock the interviewers. He failed to communicate honestly with his girlfriend, which eventually played a role in the demise of that relationship.  There were many ways that Will Hunting sabotaged not just career and relationship opportunities, but also his mental health.  Perhaps, you too engage in activities that sabotage your mental health. 

When people work toward goals for a reason and then throw it all away because they are scared, it is the equivalent of handing the football to the other team right before you could score a touchdown.  All change, even good change, is scary. Those of us who live with mental illness are used to being brave. There is no better time to be brave then when we are about to achieve our goals.

Here are eight common ways that many of us self-sabotage our mental health—without even realizing it.

Number 1 - You’re Sleep Deprived.  There’s a very good reason why we trudge through the day on edge, irritable, and downright sour after a night (or extended period) of poor sleep. Those who are habitually deprived of healthy shut eye increase their risk of developing depression- or anxiety-related disorders due to a lack of melatonin, a sleep-related hormone that fosters your circadian rhythm (the biological sleep process).  To sleep more soundly, the National Sleep Foundation recommends limiting caffeine and alcohol consumption before bed, as well as shutting off light-emitting technology (i.e., laptop, computer, tablet, and smartphones) at least 3 hours before you hit the hay. (Here are some more Tips for a Better Night’s Sleep).

Number 2 - You’re a Workaholic.  A 2011 UK study shows us that work-life balance is vital for good mental health.  The study, which monitored civil servants who worked 11 or more hours daily, found that a “workaholic” lifestyle increased the chances of depression by 50-percent compared to those who put their family, social lives, relaxation, and passions at the top of their priority lists. (Check out Workplace stressors and how to deal with them).

Number 3 - You Insist on a Nightcap. Alcohol might perk you up in social situations, however, neuroscientists at the University of California, San Diego deem booze a “depressant” for good reason. Alcohol has a depressive effect on the central nervous system, dampening your mood and sleep patterns. This is why drinking right before bedtime will cause poor sleep even though it may appear to help you to fall asleep more quickly.

Number 4 -You Don’t Exercise.  Avoiding exercise may cause more than a spare tire around your midsection—it will interfere with your mood as well. In fact, researchers at Harvard Medical School have established that just 20-minutes of brisk activity daily has a positive effect on brain chemicals and hormones, which in turn play a role in boosting contentment and self-esteem while reducing anxiety and depression.

Number 5 - You Suppress Negative Emotions.  An angry outburst might be embarrassing or regretful, however, the purging of negative emotions (i.e., anger, frustration, and sadness) through healthy catharsis is actually very healthy, according to a co-study from Harvard School of Public Health and the University of Rochester.  Findings showed that bottling up negative feelings puts folks at risk of depression and literally takes years off their lives, by increasing the risk of premature death by 35-percent, the risk of heart disease by 47-percent,, and the risk of cancer by 70-percent.

Number 6 - You’re a Hermit.  You might prefer to hibernate come fall and winter, however, a research from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control shows that lack of time spent out of doors leads to vitamin D (sunshine vitamin) deficiency as well as high rates of depression, obesity, diabetes, cancer, cardiovascular disease, osteoporosis, and the development of several autoimmune diseases.  This is why spending as much time outside as possible is essential for our mental wellbeing. With winter approaching, it’s still important to make a point to get outside periodically, even when it’s cold, to prevent depression and Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).

Number 7 - You’re a Pack Rat.  If your house slightly strays into hoarding territory, look within. Psychologists at New York’s Montefiore Medical Center, claim that those who live comfortably amidst clutter are actually ignoring it and experiencing psychological distress that can be rooted in depression- or anxiety-related conditions.  Alternately, try investing in experience-based activities rather than material objects for improved mental health.

Number 8 - You’re a Perfectionist.  There’s a good reason why many of us should go easier on ourselves, especially if our standards for career, education, athleticism, and more aspects of our life are a little…shall we say, unrealistic. In fact, a body of research from the American Psychological Association shows that demanding perfectionism can cause a series of mental health issues (i.e., eating disorders like anorexia, anxiety, depression, and suicide).  Experts suggest that rather than trying to satisfy the unattainable goal to appear perfect—we should focus on a healthy motivation for reaching ambitious goals while learning and making room for educational missteps along the way.

Tips to better deal with Self Sabotage are:

1. Its ok to not be ok!  We need to change the expectation that we must always have a smile on and be ok 24/7, it’s ok to have sad moments and it’s ok to acknowledge that you aren’t 100% today.  See the creative and insightful movie, Inside Out.

2. Self-Awareness & Intuition.  - A lot of people especially highly sensitive people are empathetic.  They have incredible intuition ability. We know when something is off or if we are not in the mood, It is important to owning this power! Self-awareness is also key, being aware of what is going on with you is a beautiful gift to have! 

3. Shut out that inner saboteur.   - One of the coping mechanisms of self-doubt thoughts, is telling that saboteur, “Be Quiet”. Your coping mechanism can be anything, and an example might be, is to have an inner conversation with yourself.

4. Channel your angst into a form of expression.   The arts or a hobby can help calm the brain! Writing and dancing can be therapeutic. Writing in a journal or writing poetry, can put you in the moment that it becomes meditative and your thoughts are finally calmer! Dancing is amazing because you are so focused on moving your body that your thoughts are not controlling you! There is something about movement that keeps our brains in a meditative state. Same goes for going to the gym or any physical activity workout.

5. Self-care is the best care.  This sounds like a cliché, but we have learned with anxiety and being empathetic that there are certain needs for self-care we must do to make sure we are set up for success. 

• Hydration, when your body is dehydrated it will cause an increase in anxiousness and irritability. Hydration leads to having a clear brain and feeling less fatigued.
• Less alcohol, speaking of dehydration, that anxious hangover is not a cute look! Waking up the next day, confused and on edge is horrible! If you like to drink, have a few glasses but know your limit.
• Me time, having alone time whether it’s to journal, meditate, sleep, or just staring at a wall, I found that being alone is so rejuvenating at times and much needed. Take your time and take the space that is needed!
• Meditation, meditating for me is so relaxing and a must to calming my mind, I find after a ten minute session, I feel at ease.
• Talk to someone. Seeing a therapist can be fundamental with your journey of mental health.

In summary, be self-compassionate; defuse negative thoughts about yourself; create positive mental health habits; and take responsibility for your mental health.  These practices aren’t effortless — they require patience, persistence, and experimentation to find out what works best for you. However, protecting your mental health is worth the effort.