The Launching Years

The Launching Years - Part 1

April 4, 2024| Seniors - The Launching Years 

"Don't worry about a thing, every little thing is gonna be alright.” – Bob Marley
 

"A wise man said, pick a profession you truly enjoy because if you like what you do you will want to do it and show up every day...if you show up every day for it, you can’t help but get better at it...when you get better at it, you can’t help but be successful." - Louis Ambrose

So, you may be asking how do you do that? How do you just relax into trusting the process? As a senior high school student, it's common to feel anxious about the future. With college applications, exams, and the pressure to succeed, it's easy to feel overwhelmed and stressed. However, developing a growth mindset can help manage anxiety and improve long-term performance.

What is a growth mindset?

A growth mindset is the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through hard work, dedication, and perseverance. It's the opposite of a fixed mindset, which is the belief that abilities and intelligence are innate and cannot be changed.  Why is a growth mindset important for managing anxiety? When we have a growth mindset, we view challenges as opportunities for growth and learning. We understand that failure is a natural part of the learning process and that we can always improve with effort and practice. This mindset can help manage anxiety by reducing the fear of failure and increasing our resilience in the face of challenges. How can you develop a growth mindset?

1. Embrace challenges: Instead of avoiding challenges, embrace them as opportunities for growth and learning. Challenge yourself to try new things and take on tasks that are outside of your comfort zone. 

2. Learn from failure: Instead of viewing failure as a negative experience, view it as an opportunity to learn and grow. Reflect on what went wrong and what you can do differently next time. 

3. Practice self-compassion:  Be kind and compassionate to yourself, especially when things don't go as planned. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend. 

4. Focus on effort: Instead of focusing on the outcome, focus on the effort you put in. Celebrate your hard work and dedication, regardless of the outcome. 

5. Surround yourself with positivity: Surround yourself with people who support and encourage your growth mindset. Seek out mentors, teachers, and peers who share your values and beliefs. In conclusion, developing a growth mindset can help manage anxiety and improve academic performance. By embracing challenges, learning from failure, practicing self-compassion, focusing on effort, and surrounding yourself with positivity, you can cultivate a mindset that supports your personal and academic growth. Remember, the journey is just as important as the destination, and with a growth mindset, you can enjoy the process of learning and growing.   

"If you aren’t in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?" – T. S. Elliott

How do you trust the process and figure out who you are and what you want

The first step in figuring out who you are: understand your values. One way to figure out who you are as a person is to learn what your core values are. Specifically, what’s important to you? What do you spend your time prioritizing in life?

Core values often (but don’t always) stay fairly consistent from when you’re a young child into adulthood. This is why they’re called core values – because they describe the core of who you are and what you care about. Values vary greatly from person to person. No one else but you can decide what your values are. To figure yours out, think about what you truly care about deep down. Think of values that help you navigate things like your lifestyle, your career, the choices you make, and the relationships you pursue. This can range from spending time in nature to cultivating meaningful friendships to financial independence. You can check out a core values list online to give you some ideas.

After some brainstorming, come up with a list of 5-10 core values that resonate with you. And don’t worry, these values aren’t set in stone. You can always change them if you decide they aren’t accurate for you. Sometimes it takes a bit of trial and error before you find values that really stick. 

Knowing your core values can help you feel grounded in who you are as a person.

If you consciously understand the things that make you tick, you can begin to move through your life with more clarity. You can start making decisions and working toward goals that align with your values. 

Try New Things to Figure Out Who You Are As a Person

Figuring out your core values is a great first step to take. But once you have that list, then what? Well, then you need to start thinking about what you want to spend your time doing. You don’t necessarily know this answer so you may need to try new things.

Trying new things is easier said than done. An overwhelming list of activities can bring up a lot of anxiety, discomfort, and fear. They can bring up thoughts like, “What if I’m bad at this? What if everyone sees me fail and judges me?” Taking a chance and choosing what you want in life can feel terrifying, because it can put a lot of pressure on you to succeed. 

Trying new things is very uncomfortable and, for some, terrifying. But you can build the skills to deal with that fear, and to face it head-on. You can allow yourself to sit with how you feel about new activities and behaviors, even if those feelings are uncomfortable. But, how about we get more comfortable with the uncomfortable. You can challenge yourself to be willing to try things several times in order to decide whether they’re worth your time and energy. You can be afraid of failure and still let yourself be bad at something if it feels worthwhile to you. And you can let yourself try things without anybody else’s influence or permission. FEELINGS are NOT FACT.

For many, this isn’t a quick process. It takes time, patience, and work to develop skills like these. But it’s worth the effort. Ultimately, facing your fear and sitting in discomfort helps you grow more confident in yourself. It gives you key insight into what you truly care about – and who you really are.  It's not a race.  

The quality of your life is the quality of the emotions you consistently feel.

Sometimes, our plans work out and other times, they fall apart. Sometimes, the people who are wandering around trying to find the right route, are the ones who end up on the best road at the perfect time. Many people flounder and flail in the unpredictable openness of life’s expanse, and through all that chaos, they settle on solid ground, creating a life of great success. It’s all so different for everyone, so don’t put yourself in anyone else’s place, don’t believe you have to be anywhere you’re not. Where you are is exactly where you’re supposed to be.  

The Launching Years - Part 2 - Parents

April 4, 2024| Seniors - The Launching Years 

Just as graduation is a significant milestone in a young person's life, it can also be an emotional time for parents. As children grow up and become seniors in high school, they start to make more decisions on their own.

Despite the fears and concerns of anxious parents, their graduating seniors are well prepared for their next journey in life and deserve the credit, acknowledgment, and freedom to head out on this next journey, free to make mistakes. This can be a difficult transition for parents who have been used to making decisions for their children. However, it's important for parents to remember that their children are becoming adults and need to learn how to make decisions on their own.  Some parents may feel that their children's decisions are a reflection of them. This can be a difficult mindset to overcome, but it's important for parents to remember that their children are their own individuals and their decisions do not define the parents. 

 As parents, it's important to provide guidance and support, but not to take over the decision-making process. One way to help children become more independent is to give them opportunities to make decisions on their own. For example, parents can encourage their children to choose their own extracurricular activities or to make decisions about college applications. This can help children develop their decision-making skills and become more confident in their ability to make choices. It's also important for parents to communicate with their children about their decisions. Parents can ask their children about their thought process and help them weigh the pros and cons of different options. By having open and honest conversations, parents can help their children make informed decisions and feel more confident in their choices.  Ultimately, parents need to remember that their children are growing up and becoming independent adults. While it can be difficult to let go of control, it's important to trust that children will make the best decisions for themselves. By providing guidance and support, parents can help their children become confident decision-makers and prepare them for the challenges of adulthood.

As children grow up and become seniors in high school, they start to make more decisions on their own. However, some parents may feel that their children's decisions are a reflection of them. This can be a difficult mindset to overcome, but it's important for parents to remember that their children are their own individuals and their decisions do not define the parents.  One way for parents to help their seniors make future decisions without feeling like a reflection of themselves is to encourage their children to explore their interests and passions. By allowing their children to pursue their own interests, parents can help them discover their own strengths and talents. This can help seniors make decisions that align with their own goals and aspirations, rather than trying to please their parents.  

Another way for parents to support their seniors in making future decisions is to provide guidance and resources. Parents can help their children research different career paths, colleges, and other options. By providing information and resources, parents can help their children make informed decisions that align with their interests and goals.  It's also important for parents to communicate with their children about their decisions. Parents can ask their children about their thought process and help them weigh the pros and cons of different options. By having open and honest conversations, parents can help their children make informed decisions and feel more confident in their choices.  Parents should also remember that their children's decisions do not define them as parents. While it's natural to want the best for their children, parents should not feel like they have failed if their children make decisions that are different from what they had hoped for. Instead, parents should support their children and help them navigate the challenges of making decisions.  In conclusion, parents can help their seniors make future decisions without feeling like a reflection. 

"Our children can be our greatest teachers if we are humble enough to receive their lessons." – Bryant McGill

Here are some tips for parents to navigate their conflicted feelings:  

1. Acknowledge your feelings: It's important to acknowledge and validate your feelings. Recognize that it's normal to feel a range of emotions during this time, including pride, sadness, anxiety, excitement, and guilt. Take the time to reflect on your feelings and talk to a trusted friend or family member about how you're feeling. 

 2. Plan a celebration: Graduation is a time to celebrate your child's accomplishments. Plan a special celebration or activity to mark the occasion. This can be a great way to focus on the positive aspects of graduation and create new memories with your child.  

3. Stay connected: Graduation marks the beginning of a new chapter in your child's life, but it doesn't mean that your relationship with them has to change. Stay connected with your child and continue to be a source of support and guidance for them as they navigate new experiences and challenges. 

 4. Focus on the present: It's easy to get caught up in the past or worry about the future, but it's important to focus on the present moment. Enjoy the time you have with your child and cherish the memories you've shared together.  

5. Seek support: If you're struggling to cope with your conflicted feelings, don't hesitate to seek support. Talk to a counselor or therapist who can help you navigate your emotions and provide guidance on how to support your child during this transition.  Graduation is a time of transition and change, but it's also a time of growth and new beginnings. By acknowledging your feelings, planning a celebration, staying connected with your child, focusing on the present, and seeking support when needed, you can navigate your conflicted feelings and support your child as they embark on their next chapter.

NOT EVERYONE GOES TO COLLEGE. That doesn't make your future any less exciting.

You will likely fret over the coming seasons of not being able to see, connect with, guide, talk to, or just be with your children during their semesters at school. Believe me, I have been there. I recall very vividly experiencing the anxiety of worrying about whether my kids would make friends at school or work, if they would be brave enough to ask questions and seek further assistance or counsel when they need it, and when I am not there to check in with them.

In these most fragile stages and this season of transition for your child, you may not recognize how well you have prepared them because you are going through it. It was not long ago you were battling with them to get in paperwork in time, to properly reply and send thank you emails to instructors and coaches who wrote them letters or recommendations on their behalf. Your ears may still be ringing from all the raised voices and slammed doors that are common in the heat of parenting battles. 

The fact remains that they did in fact hear the lectures and the lessons. In the wake of all the push back and the times you swore you were talking to a brick wall, you need to know that your guidance actually worked. 

You should be proud of yourself for parenting hard. Parenting is hard. 

You must go through it and step back and witness from afar the wonderful people that your children are growing into. Tell them to be passionate in their pursuits. Give them grace when they misstep. Be patient…but let them know they must be persistent in their pursuits. Overall, believe that they deserve the dreams that were placed on their hearts and to know that they are WORTHY.  Tell them to not allow anyone or any circumstance to tell them differently or take them off course.

Let them know in the face of continual doubt, you believe in them, and THEY GOT THIS.