“My son is a different child since the death of his father. What can I do to help him?”
My husband passed away 10 months ago, and since then my son has been a different child. He is quiet and withdrawn, and won't open up to anyone, not even a therapist. I really don't want to put him on medication, do I have any other options in helping him?
6 Answers
In my experience dealing with children and teens the most important facet to your child’s healing is finding a therapist that your child is comfortable with and trusts. Before medications, I would research (possibly with your child) potential therapists who have specialties in dealing with children struggling with loss.
Hope this helps!
Nicholas Capaul PsyS, TLLP
Hope this helps!
Nicholas Capaul PsyS, TLLP
Dear Parent,
I am so sorry to hear the loss of your spouse and the loss of your son's father. As he is having difficulty opening up to a therapist, I would like to suggest that you find a children's bereavement center in your area. They have groups for children and parents who are in a similar grief situation. This may allow him to come out of his shell and stop from being quiet and withdrawn. The one in Miami area has a website: www.childbereavement.org. They may be able to refer you to similar centers in your area. You may also want to get a book titled "On Grief and Grieving" by Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. Her "Letter to Dougy" has comforted many a grieving people. Read it and decide whether that would be appropriate for you to share with your son.
Take care,
Dr. Lata Sonpal
I am so sorry to hear the loss of your spouse and the loss of your son's father. As he is having difficulty opening up to a therapist, I would like to suggest that you find a children's bereavement center in your area. They have groups for children and parents who are in a similar grief situation. This may allow him to come out of his shell and stop from being quiet and withdrawn. The one in Miami area has a website: www.childbereavement.org. They may be able to refer you to similar centers in your area. You may also want to get a book titled "On Grief and Grieving" by Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. Her "Letter to Dougy" has comforted many a grieving people. Read it and decide whether that would be appropriate for you to share with your son.
Take care,
Dr. Lata Sonpal
This answer is for informational purposes only and does not constitute treatment.
Children usually experience grief when a parent they were emotionally close to dies. Children of all ages can be deeply affected by the loss. It seems like you might have him seeing a therapist currently. You might want to talk with the therapist about whether his grief seems unusually intense. At 10 months, it doesn't seem like his mourning period is overly extended or long yet.
Some kids work in therapy better with approaches that are different from the adult "we sit here and talk about it" way. Art or music or drama therapy might help him to experience the grief and express it in new ways. Play therapy or sand tray therapy might also be a different modality that could work for him.
If he's able to get done most of the things other kids his age are doing - school, some friends - then he may just need more time. You can also talk with him about your experience of losing your husband to let me know the loss and grief are normal. You can also try asking if something else might be the reason he is more quiet lately.
Sometimes amidst the huge changes in a household related to the loss of a parent/spouse something unrelated to the death gets overlooked that may be related to a child's changes in behavior. The comedian Patton Oswalt has written very touching and grounded comedy and essays about his experience as a sudden widower and single parent. Some of this writings might give some ideas on how to approach your son and support him.
Children usually experience grief when a parent they were emotionally close to dies. Children of all ages can be deeply affected by the loss. It seems like you might have him seeing a therapist currently. You might want to talk with the therapist about whether his grief seems unusually intense. At 10 months, it doesn't seem like his mourning period is overly extended or long yet.
Some kids work in therapy better with approaches that are different from the adult "we sit here and talk about it" way. Art or music or drama therapy might help him to experience the grief and express it in new ways. Play therapy or sand tray therapy might also be a different modality that could work for him.
If he's able to get done most of the things other kids his age are doing - school, some friends - then he may just need more time. You can also talk with him about your experience of losing your husband to let me know the loss and grief are normal. You can also try asking if something else might be the reason he is more quiet lately.
Sometimes amidst the huge changes in a household related to the loss of a parent/spouse something unrelated to the death gets overlooked that may be related to a child's changes in behavior. The comedian Patton Oswalt has written very touching and grounded comedy and essays about his experience as a sudden widower and single parent. Some of this writings might give some ideas on how to approach your son and support him.
You don’t say how old your son is. Perhaps he would benefit from a child therapist - social worker or psychologist. It is good that you are thinking of his needs when you surely are having your own!
Have him see a psychologist who is good at dealing with grief. Often churches provide support help by assigning individual members interested in being like a big brother. They also have people trained as Steven Ministers who could be helpful in this situation.
Talk to him and if he continues to hold everything in, then wait and get him some counseling. He really needs counseling over medication right now I feel. But you can do wonders if you can get him to talk.
